2 posts tagged “family”

When I was a young lad about the age of 12 or 13 something very important happened in my life. Now, one can  speculate that it was some epic life altering event like a death or big move but that would be way off. The life altering event to which I am referring is my family's accuasition of a "Black Box". What a "Black Box" did was give us free access to all the cable channels including Pay Per View. Now why is this life altering you ask? Well if you remember once the sun went down and the clock struck 11:00 PM PPV entered what was called "After Dark". To put it simply "After Dark" meant porn aplenty. So my families acquisition of a "Black Box" introduced me to the wonderful world of porn.

During the "Black Box's" heyday it was not uncommon for me to get extremely excited upon hearing that my parents would be out for the evening. I'm sure that I could also be heard sneaking down the stairs late a night from time to time to satisfy my ..... umm well let's call it "curiosity". My favourite part was when I would be laying in my bed late at night and begin to hear moans of pleasure and ecstasy coming from the basement*. Yup that's right! Dad was watching porn. Oh how I used to laugh myself to sleep.

So today I went out my parents place to celebrate my sister turning 23. As my family and I were sitting at the dinner table conversation eventually turned to my fathers new (illegal) satellite system. So there  he is telling me about all the movie channels and American stations he gets for free. A coy smile began to curl across my face and I asked "Dad what about the porno" Without hesitation he looks me square in the face and says "Tim......I have 18 channels of porn". Upon further investigation I found that not only are there 18 channels of porn but they run 24/7 and vary in subject matter. This I leaned from a follow up conversation with my mom who professed to having no aversion to transsexual people but couldn't really understand how someone would find transsexual porn appealing.

Maybe she should ask Dad?

*Editor's note: I meant to infer that the sounds of pleasure were coming from the TV not my Dad.

RCSS_Store

Would they have different products there? Might one find tools of revolution?Other like minded individuals who wish to overthrow the Harper Government? Or maybe just a bunch of American flags.

I ponder this question after my family made 3 trips to the grocery store in as many days. That seems like a lot but every time we ended up leaving with different products. Well, except me of course. I'm only ever tagging along to buy more Ginger Ale and candy so I can make sugar fuelled blog posts like this one.

Going to the grocery store with your parents can teach you a lot. For instance on these particular trips I learnt two things about my Dad. I mention this as significant because my father is very quite. It's really hard to learn anything about him actually. The best way to do so I find is to observe him. He acts much more candidly when he assumes no one is paying attention.

So the two things I leaned; first and foremost I found out that my Dad really likes raisin bread. I mean REALLY likes Raisin Bread. When we got to the store yesterday all he could talk about for the first 20 minutes was raisin bread and how he needed to get some.

Raisin_bread

At some point Dad wanders off and disappears, I assume it's procure a loaf of raisin bread. Upon his return I politely ask "Did you get your raisin bread?" His facial expression said it all; they were out of raisin bread. Then my Dad starts to muse about the reasons why there is no raisin bread.

According to him "It's all in the back" and they're going to bring it out as soon as he leaves. So he suggests asking on of the many stock boys milling around the store. Little did I know that even with mentioning this idea he had no intention on following through. Which brings me to the second thing I learnt about my dad.

My Dad is afraid to ask anyone for help. Still longing for his raisin bread he lets stock boy after stock boy walks right on by while he remains bread-less. I ask him "Dad why don't you ask one of those dudes?" Silence....."I'm sure they've bread in the back" More silence. At that moment I realized that he didn't want raisin bread anymore. He would not accept any bread if he had to depend on someone else to get it.

That little exchange right there explains more to me about my father than any heart-to-heart talk or other cliché "male bonding excursion ever could.

*UPDATE On the 3rd trip to the grocery store Dad finally got his rasin bread. 

**What? Did you think I was kidding about "Adventures in Grocery Shopping"?