Tim’s Neighborhood

So I've been experiencing some rather strange emotions as of late.  Having strange dreams.  Having stranger dreams.  Having stranger dreams that come true.  It's a little freaky.

Aside from that, things are pretty good!  I just enjoyed a week off of work, which I used to record some music.  I'm tweaking some things, but I should have an ep ready soon.  So stay tuned for news on that.

I got my first internet dating psycho.  But that story should really be its own blog.  It's a good one.

That and I really don't feel like writing anymore.

-B

I woke up this morning with a strange feeling in my gut.  A familiar feeling in that it was a bad one, but unfamiliar in ways I can't really explain.  I have this feeling that somethng big is coming down the pipe.  But it's gonna be a bad something.

In other news....I'm off work all week so I plan to put the time off to good use.  I'm spending a week working on some music and I hope to have at least a few songs done by the end of the week.

What the fuck?  Maybe it will.

This weekend started on a high note.  I got off work at 12 on friday and it was a beautiful day out.  I ended up going for lunch with a friend from work and having a good talk about the various things going on in our lives at the moment.

At the moment I had an obligation I had made to myself to be at certain place at a certain time and debating on if I wanted to hold up my end of the bargain.  I did end up doing my part and the other party did not, which was what I expected to happen anyway.  But I walked home alone with a feeling of relief and contentment.  You can't put a price on that.  I then went out for drinks with my sister and had a good time!

Saturday i went for brunch with sister which is a much more sober atmosphere for sibling interaction/conversation.  And it was nice.  I got a lot of things off my chest that have been bugging me lately and I appreciate that me and my sister have a really good relationship and that we see each other often cuz I don't know what I'd do without her over the last little while. 

Later on I went out for dinner with some friends and had a good time and just ended up having a pretty chilled out night just hanging at her apartment after. 

Sunday was a good one as well.  I didn't end up doing much during the day, just stayed in and did the vegging thing and then went for drinks with my room mate which was nice because we rarely spend much time together just the 2 of us.  I even ended up meeting a cute girl.  I kinda hope I didn't scare her off by being a complete drunken weirdo.  Who knows?  Only time will tell on that one. 

So in conclusion.  I'm doing my thing, keeping busy, meeting new people and appreciating the people that are in my life already.  I'd say that I'm doing a lot better than I expected to be.  Which is sad in it's own little way.  But I'm okay with that.

Taa kiddies,

B

There's no way that I'm the only person who sees a headline like 'Marijuana grow op smoked out' and gets a little sad inside.

It's just wasteful because pot doesn't hurt anyone.  I'm reminded of a funny part in the 2nd Harold and Kumar that had me on the floor.

That douchebag white house guy rips up his girls joint and tells her that "marijuana is illegal, if you're feeling stressed just snort some zoloft!  That's what I do!"

The sheer ridiculousnous of that statement (and actually the whole movie) had me laughing my ass off.

That's my story of the day.

I hate you all.

So I went out last night in celebration of my Brother in law's Birthday.  I got drunk.  Drunker than I've been in a long long time.  I'm not sure why I got so drunk, although I think I can blame the man who was feeding me shot after shot of jack.  I'm sure that this was a contributing factor to my inebriation.
I seem to recall hitting on one of my sisters friends.  Thankfully she was nice about it.  I'm still embarrassed about that part of the evening.  Something tells me that I wasn't quite on my 'A' Game.

I'm confused as hell about the girl.  I miss her a lot and think about her all the time and would even go so far as to say that this may also be one of the reasons that I got so drunk last night.  I didn't even do anything that I don't remember or any of that.  I just feel like hell today.

My room mate has gone to hamilton for the weekend which means that it's just me and my best friend this evening.  Which is a good thing cuz I don't really think that I should be left alone for any extended period of time.  At the end of the day as much as I would like to avoid thinking about it, my heart is out of commission for the time being.  Which I hate. 

I don't like the hurting, I don't like where my thoughts go and I wish I could help it.  I'm not alright at this moment. 

But I'm working on it.

So it's Saturday night and I'm high.  I decided that writing a blog entry would be both fun filled and time consuming.  I even went so far as to come up with possible topics, such as 'thoughts on time-travel' and bizarre things like that.

I suppose I could write a blog entry on how fucked up the show Lost is and how I'm obsessed with it and allow it to control my sad little existence.  But that wouldn't really be any fun at all.  I'm not down on myself.  Not me.

I will dedicate this entry to the many people who make a difference in my life.  Which would include anyone who is reading this crap.  You make a difference to me, especially if you know me.  But even if you don't, you the reader are important.

Apparently I feel the need to go on about nothing....

Things are going alright for me.  I'm sort of on the cusp of a new chapter of my life and I'm not really sure what's going to be on the other side once the page gets turned.  I don't even know who will be turning the page.

Sometimes I like to use metaphors.  Sometimes I'm not horrible at it.  Sometimes I can be extremely thoughtful and clever.  I never know which it is.  This is why people need to tell me when I'm being an idiot.  I don't know the difference.

She does that for me.  I love her. 

Oh yeah, I know love.  I know real love.  I've know a lot of different kinds.  All different, all real in their own ways.

But nothing like this.  I wish I could explain it.  I really do.  It's not as easy as saying "Imagine someone that makes you happy anytime you're with them".  I won't even try to.  But I know that I know it and really that's the only thing no one can take away.  Because everything in life can be taken away in one way or another.  I suppose even your mind can be taken away.  Hopefully I'll never know for sure.

Today I had a geeky day.  I went with a friend of mine to a Magic The Gathering Pre-release tournament.  I had a really good time.  I haven't played the game in almost a year, but I think it turned out to be a really fun day.  It was the first time in a long time I've had to deal with being in a room with a great many of people I've never met.  Which is always an odd experience and can turn out good or bad, I guess depending why you're in the situation in the first place.

I do believe that I've rambles on about absolutely nothing.  Maybe if you're into psychology you want to analyze it all or something.

Peace kiddies.

There comes a point for everyone where you just have to say 'I don't deserve this and I'm not going to deal with this shit anymore because I don't need it.'

I'm getting to that point.

I thought you loved me.  You don't run out on the people you love and refuse to call them.  You don't act like a bitch towards people that you love.  You don't act like you don't care about them.  You don't do these things to people that you love. 

You're doing all these things to me.

I hoped you were different and that hope is fading.  I guess you'd rather push me away than be happy with me.  You've hidden things from me.  I guess by pushing me away you get to be miserable again.  I know how you just love to be miserable.

Well fuck you.  You owe it to me to deal with me and open up to me because that's what a relationship is supposed to be.  I will not 'take what I can get'

I deserve much better than this.

So I've been working on some music lately. 
Last week I put a few hours in doing a little experimenting with recording a cover song and then made some people listen to it.  I will rarely let anyone listen to my music which is really lame and I gotta get over those kinds of jitters if I'm ever gonna do anything with it.
I've established a relationship that should prove to be a lot of fun.  I really really dig this girl and I have a feeling that she and I have some really good time ahead of us to go with good times we've had for many years as friends.  I'm really looking forward to this summer. 
I didn't really do anything last summer.  No camping.  No vacations.  All I did was work the whole time. 

This year will be better.

I left on a trip unsure of how things would be when I got back.  I had to take a little journey outside of myself for a little while.  I hopped on a bus to Winnipeg to go hang out with my sister and my cousin. 

I'm very glad that I did.  I've known for a while now that I can't really help how I feel and I'm in love with the girl.  I was willing to let her go if that's what would make her happy.  I had an uneasy few weeks, but it seems that my infinite patience has paid off.
I came home to a happier place then I left.  Maybe it was because I came back happy, or maybe it's that something has changed her at home.  Either way, I'm having a fantastic week.  I'm thankful that even if it's just for now, I'm having a period of time where everything is just perfect.  I hope that it lasts for a long long time. 

Having something happen for you that you never really thought possible can really put you in a good place.  I feel centered and confident that I can take on anything at this point.  I know now that I'm a much stronger person than I have previously given myself credit for.  Sometimes I impress myself.

In short, love is a many splendored thing.  It's worth all of it.  Cuz all of it is what brought me here.

Often times I find myself puzzled over how to feel.  I never really know how I should feel or how I should act or behave or anything like that.  I sometimes feel like I don't understand emotions and stuff as well as other people, but other times I feel like I understand things way better than those around me.
I don't know if it makes me an idiot or a genius. 
Maybe I'm just a person and that's how everybody feels at some point in time.  That seems to make the most sense.
I tend to write only when I'm feeling down on myself.  I need to learn to be down on other people and not myself.
It's fucking bullshit.

That is all.